| This is a compilation of european and northamerican
best jokes. If you want, you may send us your best
joke at "jokes[ @ ]chistestop.com" (without
the "[ ]") telling us the country where
you are from, your name and please, write in english.
Here is the list of jokes:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods
when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem
to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the
emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My
friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a
calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can
help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is
a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes
back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.
After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire
for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful
friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell
me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes"
replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions
of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn
is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is
approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically,
I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful,
and that we are a small and insignificant part of
the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!"
he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver
says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits
down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The
driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right
up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your
monkey for you.”
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their
local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip
onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession
on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing,
takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows
down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the
most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen.
You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah,
well we were married 35 years.”
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they
quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work
in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists
spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that
writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on
almost any surface including glass and at temperatures
ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians
used a pencil.
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very
much worried and all strung out. She rattles off:
“Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all
wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and
pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and
I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG
with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes,
then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there
ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found,
frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged
to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist
concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote
out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked
it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”
If you want, you may send us your best joke at "jokes[
@ ]chistestop.com" (without the "[ ]")
telling us the country where you are from, your name
and please, write in english.
|